


Middle of Nowhere

by janonny, peculiva, SilverNoteXIII, thisissirius, XxWanderlustxX



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Car breakdown, Creepy, Creepy Fluff, M/M, slight comedy, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 19:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20476034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janonny/pseuds/janonny, https://archiveofourown.org/users/peculiva/pseuds/peculiva, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverNoteXIII/pseuds/SilverNoteXIII, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxWanderlustxX/pseuds/XxWanderlustxX
Summary: “How much longer?”“About five minutes since the last time you asked.”Tony huffs and Steve rolls his eyes good naturedly. It’s not that Tony can’t walk, it’s that he chooses not to unless it’s absolutely necessary.





	Middle of Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for _Put On The Suit_ Discord server’s relay event! The end notes contains details on who wrote what part. 
> 
> The rules were that no one knew who was writing in which relay and for which parts, so there were no discussion between writers. The first writer started the story based on the prompt "Middle of nowhere" and the next writer continued based on what was written, so on, so forth. 
> 
> You can check out the other relay fics from the same event in the Discord server's fic collection!

“I can’t fix it.”

Steve stares dumbfounded at the genius engineer, nearly hitting his head on the hood of the car as he stands upright. 

“I’m sorry, I know I didn’t just hear Tony Stark say _‘I can’t fix it_.’”

“Don’t sass me, Rogers.” Tony looks around for something to wipe his oily hands on before settling on smearing the dirt on his pants. “You heard me right, I can’t fix it.”

“But you can fix anything.”

“Well maybe if you had let me upgrade this thing before we left-”

“I let you add air conditioning, Bluetooth, and Non-AI safety features. Any other _‘modern’_upgrades would ruin the 1948 vintage-”

“You know I remember that you _saw_ my dad debut an upgraded car in your era?” Tony crosses his arms over his chest. “It wouldn’t have been any different if you had let me-”

“You looked over the car before we left.” Steve gestures a hand to the exposed engine, “and you said it was in perfect condition.”

“Yeah, well…” Tony bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to look like he’s pouting. “I can’t fix it. I didn’t pack tools. I should have known something was going to go wrong.”

Steve leans forward and gently kisses Tony’s nose, sweeping black locks away from his slightly sweaty forehead. 

“It’s okay, Tony. Maybe someone driving by can offer assistance.”

For the first time since the car stalled, Steve looks out at their surroundings and realizes that their odds of someone driving by are pretty low. The desert landscape around them stretches for miles, and the road - although well maintained - does not have frequent vehicular traffic. If anyone else was going to drive by, Steve and Tony would have noticed. 

“Uh…” Steve reaches into his pocket for his phone, “on second thought, maybe there’s a town nearby- I don’t have cell service.”

“HA!” Tony mocks, “That’s what you get for not taking my offer for Stark Mobile.” He walks over to the passenger window and leans in, fishing his own phone from the center console. “E-Mobile can kiss my- oh my _god_ I don’t have service either.”

Steve can’t help but snort a laugh, closing the hood of the car while Tony slides down to sit on the asphalt. 

“Where have you taken me, Phelipe?! We are going to die out here.” Tony’s head falls back against the body of the car. “I didn’t die out in Afghanistan, now God or Karma or The Flying Spaghetti Monster has decided I’ll die here in the _middle of nowhere_ with my boyfriendㅡ”

“Tony,” Steve interrupts, trying not to laugh, “we are not going to die. Last time we looked at the map we were thirty miles to the nearest town, so it’ll be a bit of a walk but we can find a mechanic and be back on our way in no time.”

Tony huffs, and stands from the ground, squinting against the glaring sun as he looks out to the long stretch of road ahead of them. Steve opens the backdoor and grabs a backpack full of water and snacks that Tony had insisted on bringing as ‘road fuel’.

“Next time, we take one of my cars.” Tony takes a baseball cap from Steve’s outstretched hand and adjusts it on his head. “Or I’m flying us to one of my islands.”

“You got it, babe.” 

\---

“How much longer?”

“About five minutes since the last time you asked.”

Tony huffs and Steve rolls his eyes good naturedly. It’s not that Tony can’t walk, it’s that he chooses not to unless it’s absolutely necessary. Even then, he tries not to be charitable about it. Steve tries to soothe some of the pain of walking by throwing an arm over Tony’s shoulders but Tony eyes him like he knows what’s up. That doesn’t stop him shuffling closer so that he can take advantage of the inches and bulk Steve has on him. 

“You should carry me,” Tony says after a few minutes ofㅡblissfulㅡsilence. 

“Oh?” Steve says, knowing it’s best not to give _too_ much even though he’ll probably agree to most things Tony offers. Within reason. 

“You have the shoulders,” Tony points out, eyes narrowed as he gives Steve’s shoulders a look Steve’s painfully familiar with. He usually keeps it for analysing the Iron Man armor but Steve knows better than to encourage it. 

“I do have the shoulders. What’s in it for me? Aside from a backache.”

Tony’s eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to retort before closing it with a snap. He huffs again, this time in irritation, but Steve’s mouth curves into a smile. One. Two. Three. “I’ll have you know, _Steven Rogers,_ that my weight has dropped dramatically since you insisted on putting me through a ridiculous training regimine that, may I point out, nobody else has to do!”

“It’s because you’reㅡ”

“ㅡless able than the rest of the team, yes I know.”

“That’s not actually what I said,” Steve says calmly. He thinks they’re making good time and should make the town before nighttime. He roots around in the backpack for some water. He can’t remember the last time Tony drank something. “Here.”

“Don’t try and pacify me with water,” Tony says, but he takes the water anyway. “Listen, just because I can’t kill someone with my thighs or shoot an arrow from a million feet awayㅡand honestly, Clint needs to stop shooting arrows off of roofs and hoping I’ll catch him because one of these days I might actually forgetㅡbut oh my god, why do I have to run every morning, Steve? I could be spending extra time in bed with you.”

“Doing other things with your thighs I wouldn’t dream of doing with Natasha.”

“Good,” Tony says immediately. Then, “Now you’re making me think of you naked and that’s just unfair.”

“Yes, Tony,” Steve says with another smile. 

Tony sighs dramatically, but slips a hand into Steve’s, deliberately looking away, taking a sip from his water bottle. Steve squeezes his hand and takes a sip of his own water. The sun’s a little hot and he’s pretty sure they’re going to have to stop for food soon. Tony always forgets even when there’s nothing around to distract him and it’s a nice day. The scenery is good too, if he can get Tony to stop complaining and concentrate on it. 

“I’m just saying,” Tony continues into the silence. “If Bruce can get out of training on anger grounds, why can’t I get out of it on the grounds that I don’t want to?”

Steve snorts. “Tonyㅡ”

“Fine. But make it a less ungodly hour.”

“I’ll think about it,” Steve allows.

“But that was definitely a no on the carrying thing?”

Steve rolls his eyes, laughing at his boyfriend’s antics, before a mischievous look crosses his face - and Tony yelps as he finds himself picked up under one arm like so much baggage.

“This isn’t what I meant!” he complains, but he’s giggling anyway. Steve laughs as he takes off in a light jog.

\---

It takes them hours before they make it to the town, the afternoon sun beating down their backs. Steve had eventually put him down after many mock-complaints and they set themselves to walking. 

Steve’s a veritable lobster at this point. Tony winces, thinking of how much sunburn they’ll both have after this. Which makes him think they’ll need aloe. Which makes him think of rubbing aloe all over Steve’s body. Which keeps him distracted enough for the next few minutes until Steve gives him a _look._

Oh. He’s been staring. Whoops.

Finally the town is in sight and they both hurry their pace, drawn by the tantalizing promise of air conditioning and civilization. Tony spots a convenience store and very nearly whoops with delight, jogging towards it with Steve right behind him.

The brush of cold air as soon as they step inside is _sublime_. 

Tony sighs happily and Steve shoots him an amused look before moving towards the counter. Tony leaves him to it and heads to the back, rooting around the refrigerated drinks. It’s delightfully cold and he leaves the fridge door open a bit too long.

When he gets back to the counter with his prize - two bottles of cold water - Steve’s still there, but now he’s looking a tad impatient.

“The cashier?” asks Tony. 

Steve shakes his head. “They might be at the back?”

“Might be,” says Tony, cupping his fingers as he peers down at the doorway behind the counter. “Heeey!! Scuse me, paying customers here!! Hello?! Is this an honesty store?”

“Tony."

“What? Can’t be a good business model leaving your store unattended like this. Hellooo? Anybody there?”

Still no answer. They share a look, before Steve ducks under the counter and pads through the door. It isn’t more than a minute before he comes back, frowning.

“It’s empty.”

Tony feels his eyebrows raise, “Right. Well, they’re lucky nobody’s robbing their store blind.”

He reaches over the counter to grab the phone, but there’s no dial tone.

“Steve? This line’s cut.”

Tony’s lips turn down, feeling a faint niggle of suspicion at the back of his mind. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe he’s just spent too long with far too many enemies and a simple convenience store without a clerk and phone service is making him paranoid.

Or maybe it _is_ something more sinister. He’s spent too long with far too many enemies, after all. It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.

He looks up at Steve and finds the exact same suspicion mirrored on his face.

“Did you bring any..?”

“Just the repulsor watch, this was supposed to be a vacation.”

Steve nods, his mouth set in an unhappy line. “It might just be the store, we should check the rest of the town first.”

\---

The town is empty.

The sun is beating down a little less relentlessly by the time they slump down on some empty oil cans, both sweaty and more than a little worried. “To summarize the last few hours,” Tony mutters, fiddling with his sleeve, “we're stuck in a ghost town with no way out, half a bottle of water and one tiny ass repulsor to show for it, while we might encounter an undetermined threat powerful enough to get rid of a whole village.” 

As much as Steve would like to argue, he can't. “Yeah.” 

“Fuck.”

He has always been amazed at Tony's way of dealing with something unexpected and often life-threatening. Whether it was New York or the numerous Hydra bases they wiped out, Tony took one look at the situation, uttered some well-placed curse words and a sarcastic remark before he dove in and kicked ass. So it's not surprising when Tony squares his shoulders and gives a curt nod. “I say we got two options,” he states, as if this is just a minor setback of a project in his lab, and not a completely lifeless town in the desert. “Take off like a couple of cats who saw the chihuahua on the other side of the street-” He's known Tony long enough to be certain that's not a viable option. He's too curious. 

“Or we grow a pair and find out why the owner of that house decided it's a good idea to leave the stove on.”

Tony's eyes are set on a building a block away and when Steve's head whips around he feels his own eyes widen. There is a fire, probably in the kitchen. Even with the distance and through the window Steve can see the walls have already caught on fire and are making their way up to ravage the rest of the house. 

“I assume it was the stove,” Tony, somewhat unnecessarily, adds. His voice is still impossibly chipper but there is an edge to his tone, just brushing the line of anxious, and Steve can feel the icy weight of serious worry pooling in his gut. There are few things that scare him but Tony losing his cool is one of them. It means things are gonna go really south really fast. He swallows. 

“Since the store wasn't locked and whoever lives in that house skipped turning the gas off when they left, I say they were in a hurry.” And just for a moment, there is the spark back in Tony's eyes as he rolls them at Steve's admittedly subpar conclusion but it's short-lived and the unease comes back, settling into the slight crinkles around Tony's eyes and mouth. 

Steve wants to suggest inspecting the place again, more thoroughly this time to search for a clue, but before he can say anything there is the rumbling sound of an engine and two seconds later a black SUV speeds into the town, coming to a screeching halt right in front of them. 

Steve throws a brief glance at Tony, who has gone rigid. Together they stare as a man gets out of the car, clad in a black suit and tie, complete with sunglasses. His appearance screams SHIELD but for some reason, Steve knows he's not. 

“Rogers. Stark.” He smiles, revealing two rows of unsettlingly white teeth. “What a coincidence your precious car broke down near this exact town, where we've been testing our little experiment.” The grin turns even sharper. “You're looking at the result of a bomb that does nothing, except for turning every living creature in its range to dust.”

“A weapon,” Tony says, his jaw clenching in anger. “You’re testing out your weapons on isolated towns so no one knows until it’s too late.”

The bald guy with the disturbing grin and prominent chin sneers. “This isn’t a test. This is the _point_. To eliminate half the world’s population, one town at a time, so we can save the rest. The world is full of pain, but with this bomb, I could simply snap my fingers and they would all cease to exist. I call that...mercy."

Steve shakes his head. “You’re just another madman.”

“I’m no madman. Know my name, I am Thanos and I’m inevitable,” Thanos says, holding up a remote control.

He presses down on the trigger button and grins triumphantly as…nothing happens.

Taken aback, Thanos presses the button again and again.

“And we’re the Avengers,” Tony says with a vindictive grin, holding up his slim phone. “I jammed the signal during your boring monologue, scrotum-chin.”

Thanos steps forward menacingly, looking between Steve and Tony. “Even without the bomb, you can’t stop me. You aren’t prepared, you’re on _vacation_. You have no shield, no armor, you’re—”

Steve cuts him off with a punch to the jaw. Surprisingly, Thanos takes the blow without flinching and punches back with inhuman speed. But Thanos’ fist collides instead with the energy shield that flares into existence from Steve’s metal wristband.

“Who said I have no shield?” Steve asks with a grin.

Before Thanos can respond, a repulsor blast hits him from the side. Even as Tony sends more repulsor blasts at Thanos from his watch-turned-gauntlet, he calls out, “Thor, ready to join the fun yet?”

Steve blocks Thanos’ attempt to escape the repulsor blasts, falling into easy rhythm with Tony, like they always do on and off the battlefield these days. They corner Thanos against his own car as Thor arrives with a thunderous boom.

The fight is over in seconds.

Thor frowns. “He was not as great an opponent as I expected.”

“He’s killed too many in any case,” Steve says, looking around the empty town with sharp regret that so many lives had been lost.

Tony’s motions are furious as he folds the gauntlet back into his watch. “This plan took too long and too many people died in the meantime.”

Natasha’s voice emits from the concealed communicator sewn into Steve’s shirt collar, “We had no choice; Thanos evaded SHIELD and kept tabs on us all _somehow_. But he couldn’t resist the idea of confronting and taking out two hapless Avengers supposedly stranded in the middle of nowhere with no weapons or back-up. The plan worked.”

Before Tony can respond, Clint pipes up through the communicator, “All it took was one fake interrupted vacation. Megalomaniacs are so easy.”

Wrapping an arm around Steve’s waist, Tony speaks directly into the communicator, “It’s not fake. We’re definitely continuing our road trip.”

“Damn right we are,” Steve agrees. “We’ve been planning this for months.”

Natasha says in warning, “SHIELD will be arriving in ten minutes.”

“Let’s take Thanos’ car. The bomb is probably in it and no way am I leaving this with SHIELD,” Tony suggests, before asking Thor, “You can take it from here, big guy?”

Thor lays Mjolnir on top of the unconscious Thanos and smiles. “Enjoy your vacation, my friends.”

“We will. As long as there’s no early morning training on vacation.” Tony shoots Steve a look from under his dark lashes. “Although I wouldn’t be opposed to a different type of early morning exercise.”

“I might be open for negotiation,” Steve murmurs.

They get into the car to the sound of Clint going, “Ewwwww.”

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Relay Event and the following writers wrote the following sections:
> 
> **SilverNoteXIII:** Starts at _“I can't fix it.”_ and ends at _“You got it, babe.”_  
**thisissirius:** Starts at _“How much longer?”_ and ends at _ “But that was definitely a no on the carrying thing?”_  
**XxWanderlustxX:** Starts at _”Steve rolls his eyes, laughing at his boyfriend’s antics”_ and ends at _“The town is empty.”_  
**peculiva:** Starts at _"The sun is beating down a little less relentlessly..."_ and ends at _“...that turns every living creature in its range to dust.”_  
**Janonny:** Starts at _““A weapon,” Tony says”_ and ends at _“Ewwwww.”_
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
